Breaking News!!!

***This just in: Mrs. Bailey has been romantically linked to Venti Nonfat Seven-Pump Chai latte****



Sorry for the delay in posting... I was having trouble committing to a new blog. I think I'm back. We'll see.

As any married person can probably attest, blending families can be very difficult- especially during the holiday season. Each family has its own traditions and celebrations and time commitments and opportunities to bitch about the previous year and... you get the idea. This is compounded by the fact that my family lives in another state.

So, Mr. Bailey and I started by spending Thanksgiving in two different states. Now, it made sense because our wedding reception was the day after Thanksgiving and I needed to be there early to help set up and Mr. Bailey had to drive his mother up, but she couldn't leave until after Thanksgiving. So, yeah, we decided to be thankful we were together, even though we weren't.

Then we decided to spend Christmas apart.

After a lot of arguing with our families and absolutely no viable solution to the problem of splitting holidays in two states, we made the decision to spend Christmas apart. Mr. Bailey and I were completely content with the decision--- the families, not so much.

That brings us to my MiL.

MiL has convinced herself that our marriage is troubled and we are on a dangerous road to divorce. Not only has she convinced herself, she's actually made this a point of conversation with her son (my BiL), her mother, her sister, her friends, etc. Now, if we are on the road to divorce, it could never be her precious little boy's fault. Oh no. It absolutely must be his wife, six years his junior. (That's me, yall.) You'd think this would make me persona non grata at Mama Bailey's house, but I couldn't be that lucky. Now, she wants us to visit her more often, so she can monitor the state of our marriage. Jesus.

She checks my facebook on a daily basis-- if I'm having a "bad day at work", she has to call my husband to make sure I'm not on my way to the courthouse to file paperwork. She asks my BiL to check up on us. She grills my husband if he goes to visit and I can't make it due to work.

I've decided that I really need to play this up. I've considered posting photos of me with other men or status updates of my visit to an attorney's office... Mr. Bailey is vehemently against me fucking with his mother. He reasons that she's already demonstrated mental instability by spreading unfounded rumors of the impending dissolution of our marriage and if I were to perpetuate said rumors, she may in fact go over the edge. My point exactly.


Guess I've got a little more work to do on this Becoming Bailey thing...


At the time of this publication, Mrs. Bailey was spotted in an intimate moment with Girl Scout Thin Mints. While she claims it was an innocent encounter, sources close to her report that the two have plans to spend a lot of time together this cookie season and Mrs. Bailey seems "very happy to have Thin Mints around." Scandalous!

Um, when did I become my mother?

Not even a month into marriage and I've given up lingerie in favor of a flannel onesie with built in feet shaped like sock monkeys. Don't judge. I've been home sick for two days, so the onesie has probably seemed like a much better idea than what it really is. Anyway...

I finally got to use some of the wedding gifts we received. So far one of the coolest gifts has been the vacuum food saver thingamajig. I've made soup, stew, waffles, and casserole so that we could vacuum it and store it in the freezer. I even vacuumed our wedding cake so we could eat it next year. Since I've been home sick for two days, I've spent considerable time googling other recipes that "freeze well" to add to our growing stock of zombie apocalypse food stores.

Somewhere between cooking stew in the new crock pot and figuring out how to go pee in a onesie, I realized that I have become my mother. In fact, I'm pretty sure I haven't bothered to shave my legs in a week. I've been going to bed at 9, paying bills on time, and have suddenly realized that I like the spices in my spice rack to be in a very specific order-- I KNOW YOU MOVED THE CAYENNE PEPPER MR. BAILEY!!!

Maybe I'm just nesting. I mean, we're just settling into the apartment, getting used to living together, and gearing up for the holidays. So, I'm going to just relax and say all these new quirks are just temporary and all will return to normal by the new year. But, if I start to pick out gingham print furniture, I'm going to need someone to bring me out of my Newlywed Funk.